Stop Avoiding It
Stop Avoiding It
I dreaded something today. To be honest, it was not only today but for several days—maybe even more than a week. I’m using today as an example due to the fact that I had to stop dreading this thing—I just had to complete the task and get it off my long to-do list. I woke up with the dread right there in the pit of my stomach, awaking at the same moment as I did. Maybe it’s even what woke me. What I dreaded today was making a phone call. I received a job offer recently, a good job offer that I had to decline. There were several reasons for the need to decline, and that is what today’s phone conversation was about, turning down this job after weeks of contemplation. It is always worse when you wait.
Turning down a job offer is a good problem to have, and I completely understand that. This one was different, at least for me. I was not calling some faceless human resources department and speaking with someone I do not know. I was not declining the position over some computer-generated system. I was calling a guy who I know very well and with whom I’ve had a professional relationship for over five years. This is a man who I respect deeply and who has helped thousands of people throughout his career. He is a serious and hardworking man. To make it worse, I feel as if I gave the impression that I would be accepting the job. That fact makes me feel guilty and is at the root of the dread. I felt sick and nervous today, all about making a simple phone call. This is not typical behavior for me, and it was admittedly difficult to handle throughout the day.
When I was younger, I would have done anything in my power to avoid this phone conversation. I more likely would have sent an email with some lame excuse as to why I could not call. I would not have taken the road of responsibility. To tell the truth, I fought that urge for the past two days, the urge to send off a three-line note why I would be declining. It is difficult to avoid taking the easy path at times, no matter what your age. Even worse, I may have waited for him to call me (although this would not have been ideal for my younger self, seeing as I would still have to speak with him). Once on the phone, I probably would have made excuses as to why I would not be accepting the job and skipped right over the truth. I don’t know what those excuses would have been, but I am confident that I would have tried. Perhaps I would have blamed my wife and her intense desire to remain in our current location. Or blamed my current role with the military for not allowing for my departure. I would have thought of something, I am sure of it.
But now that I am 39, I thought that it is important to be, you know, more grown-up about it. Today is the day I decided to suck it up and get it over with. I felt the guilt of stringing him along and not answering the offer. I will admit that I still waited until 4:00 p.m. to make the call, so I did give in to the dread just a little. But I did it. I finally got it over with. I ended the stalemate for both of us. I was open and honest about why I would not accept the offer and gave no excuses on the matter. I told him the truth, which was that the job was just not to the same level as my current role, and therefore would be a step back in my career. I did not blame or implicate others in the decision and expressed regret on how long it took me to get back to him. It felt terrible to decline but great to have this done. Looking back on the experience, I realize how crazy it was for me to put it off so long. Sweating and stewing in my own nerves for many unnecessary days, hours, and minutes. We seem to do this kind of thing often, and at 39, I realize that this is pointless. It never helps to wait to do something difficult, something you do not want to do. It just makes it even harder to accomplish, every single time.
The older I get, the more I understand how important it is for us to do the hard things and do them the right way. It would have been easier to avoid a conversation on this matter, but that would have been the coward’s way out. That would not be the way a grown man would complete the task, no matter how strong the urge. Even though I still feel a tinge of guilt at the fact that I declined the offer, I can look at myself in the mirror and know I did it the right way, even if it took me a little longer than it should have. We need to fight the instinct to take the easy road whenever feasible. The feeling you get when you end up doing something the right way is well worth it in the end. We should all quit putting things off whether they are easy or they are hard, but this is especially true of the difficult things. Living with that feeling in your gut is a killer. Why do we do it? Most of the time, at least in my experience, we know what we should do, how we should do it, and when we should do it. We know these things, so let’s start doing them. Do not let guilt sit upon your shoulders. Do not allow dread to be the thing that wakes you in the morning.
-Houston Bailey (@BumpBailey)