Breathe Deep
‘Breathe Deep’ is a chapter from my book, “Looking at Forty: A Most Meaningful Year”
I meditated today. It was part of an experiment that my wife and I are doing. As I mentioned before, we have been trying out new hobbies on our “date days.” This was part of that series, and I had no idea where we were going or what we would be doing until we arrived. We pulled into the location about 15 minutes early and sat in a driveway parking lot before we walked in. The location was a small old house that did not lend any clues to what we were getting ourselves into. I was not made aware that meditation was on the menu until we walked in the door and were met with pamphlets and the like. We also met the instructor and the others in the group who would be joining us. This was a unique set of individuals, to say the least. They numbered about seven or eight, including the two of us. They were very quiet leading up to the lesson, which I suppose is to be expected. Perhaps they were a little nervous, as most were trying this out for the first time. I would not use the word nervous to describe how I was feeling, but it was something along those lines. Meditation is something I had been wanting to try for some time, and it was exciting to finally go for it.
The entire lesson lasted 40 minutes, which does not seem long. But I felt like that was the perfect amount of time for an intro into this world. The short timeframe allowed for focus on the important aspects of the lesson. The lesson included two actual meditation periods—or attempts—of ten minutes each. I thought the ten-minute window would be too long, but it actually was quite the opposite. During the first block, it took me a good three or four minutes to even have enough focus to attempt an actual meditation. I assumed it would be difficult, and it was. I felt like a dog that had been told to wait and stay while another group of dogs were running around playing. I always feel like there is so much I want to do with every minute of the day. That makes it difficult for me to do nothing for ten of those precious minutes. The second ten-minute session felt similar, but I was surprised how well it went for a novice such as myself. Even if I only came close to what could be considered meditation, for one or two minutes in total, the effort was worth it. If anything, it proved my expectations that this would be a difficult challenge. This sitting still and focusing while trying not to focus. I would say the sessions were taxing yet relaxing, which I understand may sound diametrically opposed to one another.
When I was younger, I would have felt even more like that dog. I would have gotten up and ran around, disregarding the instructions to sit and wait. Come to think of it, I would not have found myself in that situation at all. First of all, I did not know what meditation was and why it might be beneficial to give it a try. Even if there were a hint of interest, I would not have shared that with anyone. I would have been afraid of a slight chuckle at my expense. To be fair, I would have been the chuckler if the shoe were on the other foot. In my younger days, I was not exposed to the various types of people who have embraced meditation as a life-changing experience. I would have stereotyped that crowd without ever realizing that successful and motivational individuals were in this group. If I did find myself in that small old house learning to meditate, I would not have given it a full and fair effort. I would have felt self-conscious of my attempt and appearance in that room, even though everyone in there was in the same boat. I would have turned it into an opportunity to joke and laugh about it later that evening.
At 39, I can see the benefits. I am beginning to realize the importance of clearing the mind if even for a few fleeting minutes. If I never become a true practitioner of meditation, I will at least respect those who are and those who try to be. At 39, I will not laugh or chuckle or joke when I hear others discuss their meditation efforts. I will do quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. I no longer have that stereotype in my head when I hear the word meditation. I now understand that all types of people take advantage of the benefits of the practice. What I appreciated at 39 was the difficulty in this exercise. I experienced how tough it was to clear my mind, to sit still, to slow down. It seems like a task that should be easy yet falls far from that.
The moral of this day was that it is never too late to learn, even if it’s something new that you must challenge yourself to do. Even difficult and uncomfortable things. I realize that meditation is not that scary in its own right, but it is new, and new things can push the border of being scary. I am glad I tried it. I have committed to trying it a couple more times to see if it will catch on and be a part of my life moving forward. Even if what I learn is that I do not receive any great benefits, then at least I know for certain. I can then move on without wondering if it could help me. Sometimes that alone, the ability to move on, is worth whatever time and effort you must put in to realize it. If anything, today gave me yet another experience to write about. I am trying to squeeze meaning and experience out of my 39th year. Today accomplished that for me. Sometimes the experience is all you can ask for.
-Houston Bailey (@BumpBailey)